Friday, July 19, 2013


I dont't know, man. I feel like ranting out my feelings right now at this instant. I am currently in the train and I feel too pissed at everything. Everything seems to be my fault since forever. It's like this is a curse for being the only girl in the family. And I hate that everyone is showing their attitudes at me. It's like I'm responsible for everything in the house.

And Im not only talking about chores. I'm talking about the well-being of my siblings. It's like I'm responsible for everything that happens to them. And if I don't actually take care of them, I will get scolded. Like cant they just do their stuffs themselves? Is it hard to iron your own clothes? Is it hard to take your food? Is it hard to study hard? Is it hard to be responsible for your homework? Is it hard to do things your own? And wow what happens if they didn't get the things they want, I will get scolded like 101% of it is mine to blame. 

If he didn't wake up in time for school, I'm the one at fault because I never wake him up on time. And Im sure or at least, he got (and he SHOULD) nagged at but I just don't see how am I even to be partly blame for this. And what if I never wake up in time for school, it's plainly just my fault, as it should be and no one gets blamed for my actions which is what this supposed to be. And if another "he" didn't do his homework or study, it's my blame because he just can't be independent enough to study hard even though he knows the fact his major exams are soon. And I have to guide him because I have all the time in the world to sit down and teach him step by step and guide him slowly. I don't have tons of projects, homeworks and studying to do I AM COMPLETELY FREE.

And if you still don't get the sarcasm intended in my last few sentences, exit this blog. Now..

Yeah, some of you who know me, will be like "you don't have your dad living with you that's why you should also help take charge since you're an anak dara". I am taking charge, really. In fact, I feel like I'm the eldest making things right for everyone, just that I don't receive the respect as the "eldest" and is get blamed and shouted at for  just freaking everything. It's difficult for me too you know. You don't have to shout or blame me you know. I'm not asking you to do everything for me in return. Just a simple thank you won't hurt, will it? 

I'm glad that I didn't rant this out on Twitter. Some people will be annoyed and indirect saying I'm asking for attention or tell me to shut up. Indirectly. Just saying.


Suhailah. 18.
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